An homage to Jenny.

My friend Jenny complained that all I do is bitch about the CTA. Well, Jenny, i am perfectly capably of bitching about a lot of things. In fact, one thing I feel particularly stong about are TEVA brand sandals. What follows are some thoughts on the moral impoverishment of TEVA sandals and the people who wear them.

1) TEVAs are an affront to nature. They are made from plastic or some other chemically-concocted, unnatural, petroleum by-product material.

2) TEVAs are kitsch. They are decorated with pseudo-native american designs or odd curlicue things that are supposed to make you think they are "outdoorsy".

3) TEVAs are cheap. I mean, c'mon, they are just a rubber pad with plastic straps. I could make you something out of milk cartons and string that would be pretty much the same thing.

4) TEVAs do not flatter the foot. They especially exacerbate the situation if you have ugly or really long toes. They do not provide enough coverage, and unlike the flip-flop with its attractive v-shape, the TEVA strap bisects the foot perpendicularly, which, as everyone knows, is offensive to all finer sensibilities.

5) TEVAs have velcro. At least I think they do. Velco is only approporate for certain things like children's shoes. Grown ups do not use velcro. It is lazy and laziness is a sin.

6) TEVA wearers are hypocritical snobs. They consider themselves to be nature lovers and look down on people who don't recycle (see point #1).

and finally,

7) TEVAs make baby Jesus cry.

Are you happy now Jenny? Enjoy those TEVAs!